Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Interviews started Monday and of course I'm freaking out, pure nerves, praying my first interview is a great confidence booster so that I can calm the F down for the remaining 21. Instead, I had the interview from hell, with certain choice excerpts outlined below.
INTERVIEWER: So, can you tell me a little bit about why July 2008 is unaccounted for on your resume?
Me: Oh, um, hi, nice to meet you. July 2008 was the month before law school started - I was just kind of traveling and preparing for law school, since my job ended in June.
Interviewer: Interesting. So you didn't really do much. So I see you've lived in both Madrid and Prague - which would you rather return to?
Me: Well, I really loved Madrid, the culture, yada yada, plus I speak Spanish so for practical reasons that would make more sense.
Interviewer: Oh. So you couldn't live in a country where you didn't speak the language? (writing in his notebook "DOESN'T ADAPT WELL")
Me: Oh, no! I didn't say that...I meant...
Interviewer: (cuts me off) So if you could reform one aspect of immigration, what would it be?
Me: Um...(start giving my answer)
Interviewer: That makes no sense.
It was, to say the least, an uphill battle and I will NOT be getting a callback. Hope all your lives are going better than my first interview, haha.
Friday, August 21, 2009
2.) I was at my client getting coffee yesterday morning from the Starbucks counter. As I walked up, this woman who I often see there (probably 50ish; looks a little like a poor man's Andee Hausman) was hugging Lucy, the nice Colombian woman who works there. When I walked up, I asked why they were hugging, and the older woman told me that she had fallen down the stairs earlier that morning and just needed a pick-me-up. I said that everyone could use a hug now and again. This woman then paused, looked at me, and asked if I wanted a hug.
I said sure.
So there I was, hugging this woman whose name I don't even know, at 8:30am in the client cafeteria. I am 60% sure we had a moment.
I hope that doesn't constitute an inappropriate client relationship.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
So Today one of the guys at work claimed to be an "internet sensation" to which I vomed in my mouth and said you ain't no "M'N F-in SNYYYPERS",
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Now that contributions to the blog are less frequent than days in which Lauren neither vomits nor cries, I thought it time to give the Parking Lot Street Mix a little love.
Inspired by a certain Brown family dinner tradition, I have decided to list three things that happened to me today (although not necessarily ones for which I am grateful). In fact, these three things would best be classified as "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly":
Good: I was gchatting today with a friend of mine when I felt the need to quote the following verse from the classic song, "U + Me = Us (Calculus)":
I'm losing my hair,
And my vision is shady,
Last night I dreamt,
Of an overweight lady
But I need a young thang,
To keep up with my pace,
To hold me in her arms,
And take me straight to second base...
Seizing on the last line, my friend informed me that I love second base, referencing a recent MO sesh I had excitedly detailed during which, I believe, I also grazed boob. This inspired the following t-shirt idea, which I think is pretty slammin:
Bad: Today I ordered a pretty boring turkey sandwich from Lydia* in the cafeteria, a real sweetheart who also manages to make Kitty Bitchtitz Stankbreath Scheuer look like a Crest commercial. I wasn't really paying attention and, when I received my sandwich, it was slathered in mayo (not ordered), falling apart (top half of the bread was literally off the sandwich), and drenched in pickle juice (which I assume she had accidentally dripped).
I wasn't please and I thought about saying something to the effect of "NOBODY FUCKS UP SOPHIE SHAY'S SANDWICH!" But since there was a long line behind me and I am not Sophie Shay, I said nothing.
Ugly: I went to the bathroom at work today and, in a fascinating development, I pooped in almost exact synchronicity with the man in the stall next to me. It was both amazing and disgusting, like the basement magic show of a talented yet pimply 14-year-old.
Hallelujah, holla back.
* Names changed to protect the innocent.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
So this Friday I went to an industry party at our competitions headquarters. Every year they have a special guest, this is who came this year...It was video taped by someone at the restaurant across the street. Tyler, the roomies and myself were in the middle of the crowd.
Here is an article about it too... you can see the top of tyler's head/eyes in the center bottom of the pic holding an ipod.