Tuesday, August 18, 2009

2gether is so good, they make The Beatles look like O-Town

So, blog, we meet again.

Now that contributions to the blog are less frequent than days in which Lauren neither vomits nor cries, I thought it time to give the Parking Lot Street Mix a little love.

Inspired by a certain Brown family dinner tradition, I have decided to list three things that happened to me today (although not necessarily ones for which I am grateful). In fact, these three things would best be classified as "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly":

Good: I was gchatting today with a friend of mine when I felt the need to quote the following verse from the classic song, "U + Me = Us (Calculus)":

I'm losing my hair,
And my vision is shady,
Last night I dreamt,
Of an overweight lady

But I need a young thang,
To keep up with my pace,
To hold me in her arms,
And take me straight to second base...

Seizing on the last line, my friend informed me that I love second base, referencing a recent MO sesh I had excitedly detailed during which, I believe, I also grazed boob. This inspired the following t-shirt idea, which I think is pretty slammin:


Bad: Today I ordered a pretty boring turkey sandwich from Lydia* in the cafeteria, a real sweetheart who also manages to make Kitty Bitchtitz Stankbreath Scheuer look like a Crest commercial. I wasn't really paying attention and, when I received my sandwich, it was slathered in mayo (not ordered), falling apart (top half of the bread was literally off the sandwich), and drenched in pickle juice (which I assume she had accidentally dripped).

I wasn't please and I thought about saying something to the effect of "NOBODY FUCKS UP SOPHIE SHAY'S SANDWICH!" But since there was a long line behind me and I am not Sophie Shay, I said nothing.

Ugly: I went to the bathroom at work today and, in a fascinating development, I pooped in almost exact synchronicity with the man in the stall next to me. It was both amazing and disgusting, like the basement magic show of a talented yet pimply 14-year-old.

Hallelujah, holla back.

* Names changed to protect the innocent.

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