Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Rise of a Hero

So all too often- my reality TV obsession grabs a hold of my little legs and pulls me into the spare room at work to watch episodes during my lunch break. Today I was double teaming the Project runway from last week with last weeks America’s Next Top Model ( There are two monitors so I was able to click b/w the two). The point in I want to take you back to slash the one that turned my world upside down was about 5 min into the ANTM episode called “Fortress of Fearce.” Tyra breaks out of her trench coat into a superhero costume with the word “Smiez” on the back. The visual effects that go along with this “transformation are unreal!”---Click on this link and check out the 3rd video...
Oh yes ladies and gentlemen- Tyra has brought the smile with your eyes to a whole new level. She was “Super Smize”  who took time to teach the world how to “Smize.”  If that wasn’t enough to wet your Tyra whistle- she starts giving each girl an individual analysis of their smize and how to perfect it. She actually gives out the secret to her famous smize with a simple 5 step process she shares with the viewing audience...stay tuned to the end of this blog to see the secret steps.  

Now In my post Chipotle state, I was pleasantly pleased with this spectacle, but was not prepared for what came next. Tyra Mentions to the girls that she will be seeing them next in her “Fortress of Fearce”. I thought this is what they were calling the judging room at the end of the episode...ohhh no. All of a sudden (after a few shitty graphic close ups of tyra’s eyes) the mighty one is standing in the front of a room with 2 platforms in the center. The potential models walk in wearing pink and purple body suits with black flaps that cover their mouth. Two at a time, the models stand on the platform and had a SMIZE-Off... Words can’t describe the ridiculousness of this episode.
I applaud you Tyra for going above and beyond the ridiculous love of yourself and for putting those skinny model bitches in self deprecating situations to make us “bigger girls” sitting on our asses during our lunch break take an extra bite of our – say... birthday cake remix... And smile.

If I had any idea I would be taken into this surreal TV reality world, I would have gone to the beach for lunch.

A Tribute to Tyra’s Smize:

For those of you willing to enter this world of Smiles, Eyes, Nakedness and Tyra (yes all at once), feel free to watch the episode in entirety online.

Now the Moment you have all been waiting for:
stand with your feet shoulder-width apart
2. shoulders down
3. neck long, like there's a string coming out the top of your head
4. hand on your stomach
5. imagine something delicious

(I expect to see these at Friends Thanksgiving)

Das Un She Vulf In Zer Klauset,

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